Film On Fine, I’ll Review Get Him To The Greek

June 15, 2010

First of all, to those of you looking for another solid summer comedy from Judd Apatow: go see it. Apatow remains in top form as the unopposed master of anatomy jokes. Dicks, vaginas, scat and vomit abound, usually landing on their comic target, except in an unfortunate scene of female-on-male rape as comedy – I knew we as a culture had not moved past it, but I hoped Apatow as godfather of American comedy had. Get Him To The Greek works out a tonal compromise between the fart-jokes-with-heart mood of most of Apatow’s former work and the melodrama-with-fart-jokes of Funny People. Apatow seems to have retreated from the Chaplinesque sentimentality he reached for with Funny People, but Get Him To The Greek is some of his most emotionally mature work yet.

Emotionally mature.

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IRL News: Vote Jerry Brown because it would be hilarious

June 9, 2010

Here at the Squelch, we often write about politics from the perspective of any other jackass college student. We try to do our research and make our ideas entertaining, but we have nothing invested in the system and no idea how it really works. There’s no way you’re going to take us seriously when you know we’ll be tearing your movie tickets in twenty years. We expect no more gratifying role in our culture than that of the village idiot, parading his mental defects before a mirthlessly laughing crowd. You are correct that most of our “political” opinions have to do with legalizing weed. But once in a while, a story comes along that’s exactly our department. Once in a while, our long hours of sculpting the perfect fart joke place us among the most qualified people in the world to comment on an event. And today, our time has come. As a two-year veteran maker-funner-of of things, I can tell you with perfect certainty that Meg Whitman needs to lose this election.

get the money, dolla dolla bill yalllll

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Weekend Video Jamboree – 5/2/10

May 2, 2010

Oh, man, we haven’t done this in a while.  Here’s a bunch of videos that are cool, I guess.

You’re Doing It Wrong

This video is amazing.  It’s the essence of documentary filmmaking: raw video with as little editing or narrative intervention as possible, but with a clearly established thesis.  Plus it’s got people doin’ a bunch of goofy bonehead crap!!


Parrot Dancing to Dubstep

I don’t care, it’s a parrot, and it’s dancing.


Excusememamwhereisthebathroom: Answer the Door

There’s a whole genre of Youtubes based on hideous CGI animation programs and their inexplicable results, and this is one of the more painstaking products of that movement.  A lot of it is pretty “lol random monkey cheese”, but there’s a few random pockets of quality to be found as well.  Please to enjoy: whatever this is.


A Bunch Of Spiders Or Whatever These Are

Apparently their more accepted name is Harvestman!  Here is all of them ever to exist on one tree!


A Bunch Of These Hilarious Audition Video Things

These are the best watch them.

This one is the best of them all, just fyi:


All right, that’s it ya goobers, see ya next week !!!


Trailer RoundUp With Brett and David

April 27, 2010

Get it?? Get it!!??!?!

Hey everyone, it’s your old friends Brett and David.  As you all well know, we here at the Sqlog love movies, but if there’s anything that we love more, it’s making snarky comments about those movies from the relative safety of our laptops.  That’s why we decided to take a bunch of trailers for movies that will be coming out and write down our impressions in a way that will be amusing to any hypothetical reader!  Not sure what I’m talking about?  Neither are we!  Click the link to see what the hubbub is all about.

For Serious, Click This Business…


Issue 19-6 Now on Web!

April 26, 2010

So get your asses over to squelched.com for a hit of the good stuff! Oh yeah!

Issue Title: etrayal


Divestment: An Alternative Viewpoint

April 16, 2010

Let me say up front that this is not a polemic. I come here today not to demonize anyone, nor to call into question the righteousness of anybody’s cause. I merely feel that in all the hullabaloo about the proposed divestment from Israel, some perspective has been lost. I understand that those in favor feel that we should do all we can to pressure the Israeli government to moderate its policies toward the Palestinians in order to facilitate the peace process, and I understand that opponents feel that divestment would unfairly punish Israelis for the deeds of their leaders. The debate has been rigorous, to say the least. But in the end I  must side with opponents of divestment, for this reason:

Israelis need their vests.

I don’t think the proponents of divestment are unfeeling towards Israelis. They just haven’t stopped to think about the sartorial damage the action would cause to the nation’s fashionable citizenry. Israelis use vests for numerous occasions: black tie galas, chilly days, Wacky Vest Day at Jerusalem High. Do we really want to take all that away from them for the sake of making a political point?

Do we really want Israelis never to look this badass? (If you can't see the picture, it's a guy in a great vest.)

Vests serve many important functions in society, not just in Israel but everywhere. They keep our police officers safe from bandits, our dress shirts unstained, and our cabaret singers dapper. No society should be deprived of its vests, no matter how much we may dislike its foreign policy. Therefore, instead of divestment from Israel, I propose a revestment of Palestine.

Isn't this Palestinian vest nice?

Let us send more vests to the Palestinian people. Let us shower them with comfortably-fitting three-piece suits and jaunty old-timey wear. We cannot let Hamas be the group people depend on for their vest supply. Even better, why not convince Israel to begin a program of vest exchange? A people who would share their vests are clearly a people who can be negotiated with in confidence. I look forward to a world in which Israelis and Palestinians can live as neighbors in peace and harmony, secure in the knowledge that they will never again be under fire, underfed, or underdressed.


Hmm, that’s a pretty good joke, New Yorker!

April 3, 2010

Many of you out there probably remembers the scandal that rocked the webcomic world when it was revealed that the venerable institution of the medium, Penny Arcade, had shockingly copied one of our jokes. Oh, there was weeping and wailing and the gnashing of teeth. But now it is my sad duty to inform you all that plagiarism has reared its ugly head yet again, in the form of a magazine that was published last year. Behold!

Exhibit A: The November 2008 issue of the Heuristic Squelch, featuring a lovely drawn cover depicting Lemuel Gulliver in his classic “tied down by Lilliputians” pose, discovering to his consternation that the little folk seem to be S&M enthusiasts.

Damn, that's some good comedy magazine coverin' right there.

Hi-larious, am I right? Yes, yes I am right. Fast forward to now, then rewind again back to August of 2009, when The New Yorker, evidently some sort of non-college-humor magazine, displayed this amusing image in its Caption Contest section, appealing to its readers for an appropriately droll caption:


BUM BUM BUM! Oh, they thought us mad when we put a picture of a butt farting on the Snooty New Yorker Guy on our back cover! They said we were just being self-deprecatingly juvenile! But look at it now! Seems pretty prescient, hmm? Clearly, The New Yorker intentionally ripped off our poor, defenseless magazine, thinking that just because we’re a college humor publication on the other side of the country where most New Yorker writers would never see it, we wouldn’t notice this egregious act of joke-stealery! But just you wait, New Yorker! HEADS WILL ROLL!