The Internet-in-Brief, 10/18/09

October 18, 2009

Hippo Time!!!

  • America definitely not founded by secularist humanists, but by Judeo-christian* artists with poor Flash skills. (* And by Judeo-christian, we all know I mean Judeo-christian.)

“If the goal of the furlough program is savings to the general fund, I think our conclusion is quite clear that this program is poorly designed,” said Ken Jacobs, chairman of the Center for Labor Research and Education at UC Berkeley, which conducted the study.

“Also, I just got a better offer over at Tulane. See ya!” Jacobs added. He swiftly turned on his heel, hoping to make a quick getaway, only to find that the exit to the University was now crowded with a veritable legion of quality academics, all of whom had received more appealing job offers at private universities.

The line was moving quite slowly, and he was beginning to tire of the smell of tweed and Camembert. A younger professor, his youthful eyes yet retaining a spark of eagerness, turned to Jacobs. “I think I will miss this place.”

“Eh,” said Jacobs.

The episode that transfixed the nation last week — a spaceship-like balloon floating through the Colorado skies with a 6-year-old boy named Falcon believed to be inside — was declared “a hoax” by the Larimer County sheriff’s office on Sunday.

“It has been determined that this is a hoax, that it was a publicity stunt,” the Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said at a news conference in Fort Collins, Colo., one day after re-interviewing members of the now-famous Heene family about the case. “We have evidence to indicate it was a publicity stunt done with the hope of marketing themselves to a reality television show sometime in the future.”


Richard Heene and his wife have been enmeshed for years in the culture of reality television and self-promotional Web postings. The family appeared twice on the ABC show “Wife Swap,” including as recently as last March. Mr. Heene wanted his own show about his family, and he had worked with at least one production company on a proposal. On Friday the cable channel TLC said it had turned down the proposal months ago. He has posted YouTube videos claiming to show proof of life on Mars, asking whether Hillary Rodham Clinton is a “reptilian.”

  • I am back to blogging! This is only because I now have no hope in going to law school!

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