Weeaboo Wednesdays – Muscle Dudes

July 1, 2009


When Sarah first asked me to guest-blog this week’s edition of Weeaboo Wednesday, my first reaction was to squint and shake my head condescendingly while sighing out a labored “no”.  I understood that she was too busy with her various racketeering operations and crippling gambling addiction to cover her shift for this week, but I remained held back by the fact that I categorically hate anime.  I, like everyone else, enjoyed Cowboy Bebop, and admired the honorable way of the bushido, but found the entire rest of the japanimation ouevre to be shrill and of unwatchably poor craftsmanship at best.

Sqlog writer David Hollingsworth in traditional garb.

Sqlog writer David Hollingsworth in traditional garb.

However!  I do know one or two things about Japan that don’t require me to specifically watch any anime, so I figured I would let you all in on one of my favorite Japanese cultural tropes: Big Huge Muscly Dudes That Just Sort of Walk Around Doing Big Muscly Things. You may say “But David!  Every culture enjoys gigantic, oiled-up bodybuilders!  Surely Japan’s 100% understandable infatuation with them is no different!”

You would be wrong!  Let me show you how wrong after the jump!


I’d like to get into as little cultural critique and analysis as possible, because I really do quite enough an unbearable amount of that in my Porn on Tuesdays column.  But I would like to let you in on the fact that Japan has a different understanding of masculinity than we do here in the good old USA.  We over here like our manly men to be big and sweaty piles of knotted flesh, with shirts ripping around them like wet napkins.  Our heroes of manness tend to be gargantuan, savage, “macho men,” with randy, virile libidoes.  Men like Dwayne “The Rock” The Rock.

In Japan, the more muscly and built up a man is, the more likely it is that he is, in actuality, a homosexual stereotype.  Supposedly, manly men in Japanese media tend to be more lithe and slender, with long flowy hair and softer features, such as unpleasant Japanese celebrity/musician(?) Gackt.  I find this to be an interesting reversal.  We in the US certainly have a periodic stereotypical idea of the big burly gay guy (the Steel Mill Worker, if you will), but for the most part, our retarded culture’s stupid idea of what male homosexuality is still centered around the limp-wristed, lisping Oscar Wilde type.  Or at least it was if you were listening to Eddie Murphy talk about them.

I doubt you all appreciate the amount of gay bear porn I had to go through to find images for this

I doubt you all appreciate the amount of gay bear porn I had to go through to find images for this

The point of all this as that every now and then, especially in Japanese comedies, you tend to find just huge muscle guys walking around, with the entirety of the joke being that they are huge muscle guys and are therefore vaguely gay.  The questionable progressiveness of this aside, I find that idea frankly hilarious, because you end up with a lot of media, often somewhat geared towards children, like Cho Aniki.

I don’t know if you guys bothered to watch that, but if you didn’t, I’ll sum it up: You play as a gigantic muscly dude and you fight another gigantic muscly dude by farting and thrusting and just sort of waving your tightly packaged dick around.

I don’t care what that says about Japan’s collective consciousness of gender, it fucking owns.

Another, much more recent example of this is Muscle March.  If you didn’t watch the last video, PLEASE watch this one.  It will change your life.

There are no words.


One comment

  1. […] David might have mentioned, I’ve been somewhat busy doing non-blog things… like writing a final exam, and getting […]

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