Weeaboo Wednesdays – Psychic Wars, Pt 2

When we last left off in Psychic Wars, the anime that feels as though it doesn’t have to explain itself to you or anyone else, our hero Dr Ukyo (which I think means “with cucumber”) was lumbering around in the past killing everything his eyes slap onto that doesn’t immediately strike him as being human.  He was sent there via a poorly explained time portal that opened up for no reason, because he has to save humanity from the league of demons who came back after he surgically removed a monster tumor from an old lady and then punched it — the tumor, not the old lady — to death.

Any questions?  Oop!  No time!  The movie has to keep going if it’s going to fulfill its yelling and having light explode out of the main character quota!  Hurry up!

Keep it up! We have, like, 900 more of these stupid things to kill!

Weeaboo Wednesday – Psychic Wars, Pt 1

Returning readers will note that this is the first Weeabo Wednesday in several months, which is due entirely to the poor work ethic of our two laziest writers and nothing else.  Regulars will also likely notice that I am not the usual writer of WW (as it is called in the business) on account of my seething and irreconcilable dislike of animes.  I hardly think I should have to explain why anime is, for the most part, a creatively bankrupt wasteland of putrid cliches and normative stereotypes akin to the worst that American sitcoms have to offer, so I won’t waste my time or yours doing so.  But, like any reasonable person, I will admit that there are always notable exceptions to everything, including my long-held “burn all anime” axiom.  In fact, one anime shines so brightly in my eyes that I will go as far as to call it amazing.  That anime is Psychic Wars, and today I’d like to introduce it to you.

Weeaboo Wednesday: the Haruhi Dance!!!

I know it’s been literally an entire semester since I’ve posted a Weeaboo Wednesday, but look, I actually don’t know that much about Japan. I guess I could have kept reviewing weird hentai that I “accidentally” came upon, but I am pretty tired of getting hits from search terms like “world of warcraft tentacle” and “kkids fucking”.

In any case, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE WITH YOU, SOMETHING ABOUT ANIMES!!

Weeaboo Wednesday: I’m Sick

So I’ve been stricken with some kind of horrible and life consuming strain of flu. While my initial plan was to sit around and feel sorry for myself, I had a realization: this was a golden opportunity to try some of the ways the people of Japan deal with their colds, flu, and other horrors. I did some research (and tapped into my own tremendous store of Japanese knowledge) and went to work on healing myself. One of the maxims of eastern medicine being that the bitterer the better, I knew I was in for a taxing experience.

Robotic cats are symbols of good health in traditional Japanese culture

Hit the jump for my quest for a cure!

Weeaboo Wednesday: The JRPG; Disc 3: Final Battles, Villains, and the Long Goodbye

This is the third and final part of Weeaboo Wednesday’s examination of the JRPG. You can find parts one and two here.

Over the last few weeks, you’ve come to learn what to expect from the story and characters that you’ll find when you take your first steps into a Japanese role-playing game. You know now that it doesn’t matter whether or not you care what’s going on, or if the characters are likable—you’re just along for the ride. And now, you’re at the end. You’ve spent 30 hours getting through the story, another 40 hours forcing birds to fuck, and another 63 hours leveling your characters so you can actually finish the damn game. Now all that remains is to take on the effeminate villain who awaits on the other side of a vast expanse of pain and suffering that we experts call the final dungeon. So come with me on this last leg of our journey so we can put an end to this once and for all!

Weeaboo Wednesday: Why It Might Be Okay to Watch Bleach

My life can loosely be described as a big fat sausagefest. For one thing, I work for the Heuristic Squelch. Comedy, like most things that aren’t jazz music, is dominated by white men, and the Squelch is no exception. Our female membership has increased by roughly 400% since my arrival– and yet the magazine is still dominated by a ponderously large amount of dick jokes.

For another thing, I’m a philosophy major. The percentage of female undergraduates in philosophy– nationwide– is something like 30%. For a little bit of perspective– the percentage of female undergraduates in the humanities (nationwide) is something like 60%. The gender ratio in philosophy is comparable to the ratio in computer science.

Combine that with my decidedly neckbeardesque taste in music and my dismal, crippled relationship with my cold, cold mother, and what you get is a very good reason to never read shounen.

Look at this way: after a long day of sparring with moleskine-wielding, unshaven, fixed-gear riding douchebags over Kant’s transcendental idealism, would you rather read a childish comic about an awkward and blush-filled courtship with a high school tennis star, or a childish comic about an awkward and yell-y duel-to-the-death that determines whose magic dragon ninja ghost sword is the biggest?

miageta yozora no hoshitachi no hikari

Weeaboo Wednesday: The Japanese RPG; Disc 2: The Usual Suspects

This is the second part of the Weeaboo Wednesday look at Japanese Role-playing Games. You can find the first part here if, for some godforsaken reason, you’re interested.

If you’re new to the JRPG genre it’s important to familiarize yourself with the characters you’ll be meeting before you run headlong into territory you’re simply not mentally prepared for. The jarring, abrasive folks that make up most of the cast you’ll find in these games is not something to be tackled while under the ‘ignorant’ status effect. So quaff a potion of knowledge and come with me as we take a look at the characters of Japanese RPGs.

Weeaboo Wednesday: NANA

This column was written on July 8th and initially published that day. Upon hitting the “Publish” button, I saw that Kyle had already written one. Because it was Kyle’s week to write a WW, and I had forgotten. So I took it off the site and decided to publish it the next week. Except that would have been yesterday, and yesterday I forgot. Fortunately there’s this thing where you can fiddle with the date that an entry appears to be filed under. This column was retro-published on the site on Thursday the 16th. Look, it’s not like these are particularly time-sensitive, OKAY?

So apparently Ai Yazawa, creator of some of my all-time favorite shoujo manga, is very sick and won’t be updating Nana for a while. Given this tragic and unverifiable news I sort of remember reading on onemanga.com, I thought it might be a good opportunity to put Ai Yazawa on trial for bringing out the worst in the Japanese– and in doing so, introduce you gaijin to the absolutely fascinating, somewhat nauseating phenomenon that is Nana.

Weeaboo Wednesday: The Japanese RPG; Disk 1: The ‘Frying Pan’ Method of Storytelling

Today, we’re going to embark on a long journey through the world of Japanese Role-playing Games. The JRPG is one of the most misunderstood genres in all of gamedom. Its games are often dismissed as trite, poorly written/translated messes with unbearable characters and equally outdated and uninspired gameplay. I say that these games are misunderstood because in spite of the fact that these criticisms are almost universally true of the genre, they still possess a rabid and almost cult-like fanbase (myself inexplicably included). But perhaps I’ve gotten ahead of myself. I should begin by explaining exactly what a JRPG is. A JRPG is really any role-playing game produced in Japan. That’s it. What’s astounding is that in spite of this broad definition, the characteristics that these games all seem to share an astounding amount of thematic, literary, and gameplay similarities. This allows the term JRPG to be indicative of much more than a game’s geographical origin. Ultimately, when we cut through the bullshit, we see that a JRPG is a very distinct type of game; one that, over the next few weeks, we’ll be examining in detail worthy of a mind-meltingly boring cutscene.

I enjoyed these games...

We’ll begin this installment with a look at ‘storytelling’ in a JRPG.

Weeaboo Wednesdays – Muscle Dudes

When Sarah first asked me to guest-blog this week’s edition of Weeaboo Wednesday, my first reaction was to squint and shake my head condescendingly while sighing out a labored “no”.  I understood that she was too busy with her various racketeering operations and crippling gambling addiction to cover her shift for this week, but I remained held back by the fact that I categorically hate anime.  I, like everyone else, enjoyed Cowboy Bebop, and admired the honorable way of the bushido, but found the entire rest of the japanimation ouevre to be shrill and of unwatchably poor craftsmanship at best.

Sqlog writer David Hollingsworth in traditional garb.

However!  I do know one or two things about Japan that don’t require me to specifically watch any anime, so I figured I would let you all in on one of my favorite Japanese cultural tropes: Big Huge Muscly Dudes That Just Sort of Walk Around Doing Big Muscly Things. You may say “But David!  Every culture enjoys gigantic, oiled-up bodybuilders!  Surely Japan’s 100% understandable infatuation with them is no different!”

You would be wrong!  Let me show you how wrong after the jump!