Issue 19-6 Now on Web!

So get your asses over to squelched.com for a hit of the good stuff! Oh yeah!

Issue Title: etrayal

Hmm, that’s a pretty good joke, New Yorker!

Many of you out there probably remembers the scandal that rocked the webcomic world when it was revealed that the venerable institution of the medium, Penny Arcade, had shockingly copied one of our jokes. Oh, there was weeping and wailing and the gnashing of teeth. But now it is my sad duty to inform you all that plagiarism has reared its ugly head yet again, in the form of a magazine that was published last year. Behold!

Exhibit A: The November 2008 issue of the Heuristic Squelch, featuring a lovely drawn cover depicting Lemuel Gulliver in his classic “tied down by Lilliputians” pose, discovering to his consternation that the little folk seem to be S&M enthusiasts.

Damn, that's some good comedy magazine coverin' right there.

Hi-larious, am I right? Yes, yes I am right. Fast forward to now, then rewind again back to August of 2009, when The New Yorker, evidently some sort of non-college-humor magazine, displayed this amusing image in its Caption Contest section, appealing to its readers for an appropriately droll caption:

J'accuse!

BUM BUM BUM! Oh, they thought us mad when we put a picture of a butt farting on the Snooty New Yorker Guy on our back cover! They said we were just being self-deprecatingly juvenile! But look at it now! Seems pretty prescient, hmm? Clearly, The New Yorker intentionally ripped off our poor, defenseless magazine, thinking that just because we’re a college humor publication on the other side of the country where most New Yorker writers would never see it, we wouldn’t notice this egregious act of joke-stealery! But just you wait, New Yorker! HEADS WILL ROLL!

Issue 19-5 Now On Internet!

Yeah, you heard me right. For those poor souls who failed to procure a genuine copy of our latest comedy masterpiece, get your poor souls over to www.squelched.com to bathe in the electronic goodness. Get to it!

The French Fry Revolution

The Sincerest Form of Flattery

Deputy Creative Editor Erik Krasner-Karpen spotted this little gem in the FSM bathroom:

It's good to be loved.

Good try, anonymous Squelch copycat. You might not have nailed the drawing, or the spelling, but we appreciate the thought.

Issue 19-4 Is Go!

Hey, if you failed to pick up a copy of our grandiloquent new issue last week, there’s good news and bad news. The bad news: we hate you. Why would you forsake us like that? The good news is, you can still read it, either by coming to our meetings and begging for a copy, or by reading a pdf on this here website. Get to it!

GAZE UPON THE HILARITY

Little Bit Of Site News, 1/22/09

Hey, everyone, this is David of your Heuristic Squelch.  I am more or less the worst blogger in the internet, in that I more or less no longer blog.  However, I also graduated, making me technically no longer a member of the Heuristic Squelch in any non-honorary capacity.  This means several things: first, it means that our wonderfully talented Brett Hallahan has taken the Squelch helm, and second, it means that I am now looking for a job.

As a result of this last bit of information, I now realize that a handful of posts on this infernal thing are probably not going to do me any favors on the market, so I’ve decided to pull the majority of these posts from public view.  I’m comfortable with this decision, as they were honestly the weakest written entries on this entire blog, and were often that level of offensive without the necessary funniness that justifies their existence (Sorry, furries!  No, for real, I did a research project on furries and I now legit feel bad.  Except for babyfurs, y’all are weird.  Also confurvatives).

Anyway, I’m now also going to attempt to post on here much more frequently, as my lack of school and work for the time being ought to permit to do so.  So you have that to look forward to.

Also, Issue 19-3 came out a long-ass time ago, but we forgot to mention it.  So there it is.

Meetings start this Wednesday!

Can you feel the dread in the air? The ineffable tremble that passes from person to person like the Spanish influenza? Yes, the spring semester has started, and with it Squelch meetings. Our room has moved from the forbidding basement of Dwinelle to the merely intimidating second floor of Dwinelle, specifically room 262. As always, meetings are on Wednesdays from 7 to 8 pm. Be there or be mashed into a delicious patty!

New Issue Dropping Right Here Ya Heard

Oh boy!  It’s the latest issue of the Squelch that came out a few weeks ago, finally available on the Internet.  Read it! It’s pretty good!

Vol 19, Issue 2: Gangbusters

It should be noted that this is probably my favorite cover, ever.  Good work, us!  Hooray!

Hmm, that’s a pretty good joke, Penny Arcade!

I’m a reader of webcomics. All of you here know of this horrible shame I carry with me like a cancer, so there’s no reason to even try and cover it up.  I read them like a motherfucker.  So I’m quite familiar with superfantasyultraComic “Penny Arcade”, by visually comical auteurs Jerry Holkins and Mike Krhahliuehluk, and I’m quite familiar when they STEAL JOKES FROM A DEFENSELESS MAGAZINE SUCH AS OURSELVES.

Observe:

click for big

HMMMMMMM, “Twilight” but with Mummies, now where could I have seen such a concept before?  Could it have been in our very own magazine?  Last year, even?

Shame on you, Penny Arcade.  Do you realize that by not making sure a joke you’re about to do hasn’t been done by any one of the myriad  low-profile and often low-quality college humor magazines in the country, you are  LITERALLY STEALING FOOD OUT OF OUR MOUTHS.  FOOD IS LITERALLY BEING TAKEN OUT OF MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW BY JERRY HOLKINS AND HIS BALD FRIEND MIKE KRANKLILILLUIK.  ACTUALLY MAYBE JERRY IS THE BALD ONE I CANT REMEMBER.

SHAME ON YOU.

First General Meeting

If you’re interested in working with the Squelch, we meet every Wednesday from 7-8 pm in 79 Dwinelle.

We are in dire need of:

• writers
• designers
• artists
• photographers
• businesspeople
• hanger-ons
• potential bloggers?!??!!!!

And yes, tomorrow is Wednesday.

Also, if you are at all proficient in InDesign, please please please think about working with us. Seriously.

In other news, we will be out on Sproul from 11-3ish all week long. If you should, for some (inexcusable!) reason, manage to miss us, we will later post a list of locations where you can grab a copy.

Hope to see you Wednesday.