Archive for June, 2009

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The Internet in Brief / IRL News: 6/30/09

June 30, 2009

Hippo Time!!!

  • BREAKING NEWS: The folks at Red State are real smart; know the definitions of elected” and “Empress”. (hint: they have nothing to do with each other). I suppose I could be kind and assume the paradox was intentional. On the other hand, the above article features charming idiosyncracies, like blasting Michelle Obama for hiring staff and thus wasting taxpayers’ money, just like Nancy Reagan; then turning around blasting Michelle Obama for serving people on mismatched china, a somewhat snide reference to Nancy Reagan’s expenditure of $200,000 for matching White House china.

Wow. What a creep. She went out of her way to cast aspersions on former first lady and wife of one of America’s most beloved presidents? Why? What purpose did this serve other than to be mean spirited? No wonder she was never proud of her country in her adult life. She is too hard hearted to have it in her.

Also, this heartwarming line:

Chillax, honeypie. Read a magazine, watch the kids, and leave the policy to the real officials, will ya?

LOL MICHELLE OBAMA WASN’T ELECTED. Wait… neither is 99% of the West Wing. LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU. Plus she is a woman. LOL.

  • New Haven decides a civil service promotional exam is racist; throws it out. Some white dudes who did well on the exam get mad; take it to the courts. Sonia Sotomayer is one of the appellate judges who rules against the white guys; Souter, whom she is supposed to replace, takes the same position. Wait a second, this is supposed to be interesting news? I guess?.
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Ding-dong, the witch is sentenced to 150 years in prison

June 29, 2009

inreallifenews

Remember how you had to look up “Ponzi Scheme” on wikipedia a few months ago?

Well, Bernie Madoff has been sentenced to 150 yearsone hundred and fifty years– in prison.

In pronouncing the sentence — the maximum he could have handed down — Judge Denny Chin turned aside Mr. Madoff’s own assertions of remorse and rejected the suggestion from Mr. Madoff’s lawyers that there was a sense of “mob vengeance” surrounding calls for a long prison term. Mr. Madoff’s crimes, the judge said, were “extraordinarily evil.”

CLICK HERE FOR SEXY FINANCIAL CRISIS PIX

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Internet in Brief: 6/28/09

June 28, 2009

Hippo Time!!!

  • Breaking news from Fox about a mural created by Black Pine Circle School’s… class of 2007? Eyeroll. In any case, apparently Berkeley kids think “capitalism will fail,” also something about marijuana. Not sure exactly what.

Fox News procured a quote from Berkeley College Republicans (yes, our BCR) president Danae Condos, who might have just been the only resident of the city willing to speak to Fox News:

Condos, a 19-year-old student at the University of California-Berkeley, said she doubted that school administrators would allow any and all symbols.

“They wouldn’t allow a swastika symbol,” she said. “It shows where the school’s standards lie. If you’re seeing this at one of the top-notch schools in the area, imagine what’s going on it other schools that don’t have the same privileges.”

Look, dude. A swastika and a hammer-and-sickle are completely different things. One represents an ideology that advocated the deaths of millions of people; the other represents an ideology that accidentally resulted in the deaths of even more people.

But whatever happened in the past, the present reality is that here, in the United States, the swastika, as a white supremacist symbol, is meant to be a symbol of exclusion, discrimination, and a repugnant worldview that refuses to treat people as people, while the hammer-and-sickle is a mostly empty concept referring to a vague and ill-thought-out vision of a different world. It’s not even edgy anymore, so the only people (who aren’t washed-out, aging hippies) who cling to it are pallid, wishy-washy, completely harmless shut-ins.

In any case, if you actually look at two photos that Fox put up on their site, it’s obvious that the hammer-and-sickle and the marijuana leaf are the most interesting parts of the mural. The rest are what you’d expect would happen if you give a bunch of kids a chance to leave a “legacy”– just a bunch of boring, insipid inside jokes. It’s like being at my boyfriend’s incredibly tedious CS commencement all over again.

“My favorite memory is eating <insert gross food> at <insert late hour> with friends!!! ^_^”

Everyone does that shit, no one cares, just keep walking you goddamn nerds.

  • Kind of old, but it’s still really funny, so I figured I’d post it: Lindsay Lohan tries to dance up on Justin Timberlake, is “shooed away,” ends up twittering photo of JT and some other girl in order to get him into trouble with his girlfriend Jessica Biel. from WWTD, here and here.
  • That one guy’s death might have eclipsed Iran on Twitter, but despite some mainstream headlines, the revolution is not dead. Twitter, which isn’t even very effective for organizing in Iran itself (since no one can access it except through a proxy, ergo we’re only getting twittered at by resourceful nerds), is just a way for Iran addicts to get their fix… *bites nails; scrolls furiously*
  • Finally, here’s a CNN story (even though I’m still mad about #cnnfail) about the children of gay parents. This post is pretty full of Republicans already, but here’s one more– a Limbaugh-listening Republican son of two lesbian mothers.

“When you grow up with Lesbian mothers, you can’t get your ears pierced to rebel,” he says. “I became a Republican.”

Today, Levey sees his parents’ choice not as an expression of rebellion, but as a desire for something that’s actually a conservative virtue — a loving family.

“I believe in family values, but family is about taking care of your children and respecting one another,” he says. “It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is.”

Happy pride.

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You are so Jeong you suck we got yet so many wrist bands so drunk you? Sent: Jun 28, 12:14 am Stored: Jun 28, 4:34 am

June 28, 2009

At the risk of further pissing off both groups of Squelchers that I broke promises to last night:

Max, Lena, Kyle: I’m genuinely sorry I blew you guys off (no not that way), but I will never regret.

I’m just sayin, I highly doubt you guys could have provided a gospel choir in metallic purple gowns.

Happy pride!

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I called it

June 27, 2009

On June 4th I declined to type out the word “Tiananmen,” because

… Chinese readers* won’t be able to access this blog. (*in the wondrous future, when we have readers)

Well, the wondrous future hasn’t happened just yet, but Squelch Head Artist and prospective Shaolin Master Harmony Larson writes, from China:

no sqlog in china. i tried.

: (

Woop woop!

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Cartoon Graveyard: Why There’s Hope

June 25, 2009

Cleveland, city of light, city of magic.

- Randy Newman, sarcastically

Yes, during my unexcused absence last week I did what I hear so many desire to do: I fled to the Cleve. There I visited my many wonderful relatives, my sister visited many colleges in the middle of nowhere, and everyone had a grand old time. Now, many people make fun of Cleveland. They say that its sports teams stink, that its economy has long been in the crapper, that the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame defines rock & roll so broadly that it put up a display about the Jonas Brothers. Those people are me. But Cleveland is really a very nice city, and any of its shortcomings are made up for by a) the rest of the Hall of Fame being kickass and b) this particular feature of the airport:

YOU DON'T FUCK WITH CLEVELAND AIRPORT SECURITY

YOU DON'T FUCK WITH CLEVELAND AIRPORT SECURITY

That is a framed display of all the things that have been confiscated at the security check-in. They include:

- Copious knives
- Derringers
- Shuriken
- Sticks of dynamite
- Metal-tipped playing cards
- Not one but two sets of nunchuks
- A bandolero
- A dagger
- A grenade
- Et cetera.

One must draw the conclusion that the Cleveland airport is frequented by ninjas, banditos, Bond villains and Yosemite Sam. One must also draw the conclusion that Cleveland airport security has defeated all of these people. Who’s gonna make fun of Cleveland now, huh?

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Weeaboo Wednesday: What Your Anime Says About You

June 24, 2009

weeaboo

Sarah’s fascinating post last week inspired me to further investigate the nuances of other media from the glorious East. This time, however, I’ll be investigating the more personal connection that lays between anime and its consumers. More specifically, what we can learn about a person’s personality from what kind of anime they enjoy. While some of you might immediately dismiss this idea as silly, cliche, and more suitable for a MySpace quiz, I can’t help but remind you that it’s totally tsundere of you to point that out (and if you get that without clicking the link, you simply cannot judge me). Now then, without further ado let’s move on to the main attraction:

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Hooray For Us!

June 23, 2009
Fig. 1: HOO-RAY

Fig. 1: HOO-RAY

Hey Sqlog readers!  How are you both doing?  But I kid.  How are all six of you doing?  See?  That’s just the kind of you humor you’ve come to expect from us during the 50 posts that we’ve been active.  That’s right, The Heuristic Squelch’s Sqlog Blog Erotic Fantasy League just recently celebrated its fiftieth post!  Wow!  That sure is a big round number!

So I’d like to take this time to not write a Porn on Tuesdays because I am tired and instead share with you some of the fantastic search items you wonderful readers have been using to get to this here old-fashioned southern-time mountain blog:

  • mpreg “birth canal”
  • guy fuck balloons
  • super nips
  • world of warcraft tentacle
  • orgastone
  • computer generated bondage tentacle vide
  • force feed dick
  • tentacle dog rape
  • skunk fu hentai
  • skunk furry porn
  • skunk fu hentai porn
  • skunkfu hentai
  • skunk fu henti
  • skunk fuu hentai
  • furry skunk fu hentai
  • skunk fu hentei
  • skunk fu sex hentai

And, last but not least

  • skunk fu hentay

Thanks to everyone who could make this wonderful dream a reality.  Just FYI, I am being 100% genuine in telling you that these are the search results that are leading a good 20 or 30% of our viewers to the website.  What’s even better is, now that I’ve published this list, this number will easily grow two or threefold.

HOORAY!!

Fig. 2: HOO-RAY

Fig. 2: HOO-RAY

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IRL News: 6/23/09

June 23, 2009

inreallifenews

  • The New York State Senate pulls an ASUC. The senate is currently deadlocked after two defections (and then a de-defection). Apparently the latest session involved the two parties “plotting” to get to the podium first so that they could hold the gavel. The Democrats won that round, because they snuck into the chamber from a back door and then locked it.

Then the Republicans came in through the normal door, and, having brought their own gavel, proceeded to ignore the Democrats and begin “passing bills”. The Democrats then started their own session and also began “passing bills”, despite neither side actually having a majority. The New York Times coverage is here; this reporter clearly finds the incident much less hilarious than the NPR reporter, thus confirming my impression of the NYT’s absolute humorlessness.

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those fucken hipsters: 6/22/09

June 22, 2009
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